"Hide My Tears"

My tears were replaced with frustration, animosity and anger since you've been gone. I survived a contentious divorce, maintained my Smile, all the while solidifying my most important job, that as Daddy.

Trying to figure out, "what part of the game is THIS?" I graduated college, got separated, lost my Mother, finalized my divorce and a whole host of other intangibles that have composed the highlight reels of the past 2-3 years of my Life.

Throughout my Life, I have lost so much! I have this impenetrable exterior that doubles as my force field against the objects thrown my way, the darts that are clearly aimed in my direction and resentment that comes in the form of fake smiles and well wishes.

I crave my Mother as if I am WITH child and EVERY grocery and convenient store within a 100 mile radius is completely sold out of the one item that will satisfy this craving of mine.

I have grown to trust the LORD like I have never trusted anyone or anything in my entire Life. "What are we doing today GOD?" I ask HIM. "Where shall I stand and how shall I position myself, to adequately receive the Blessings and Glory that you would have for me LORD?"

LORD, I feel too weak today, but I am getting up anyway because I know that you are waiting for me to put on my full armor of YOU before I step one foot out of my front door.

Dear GOD, I don't know how much longer you will have me on this journey, but with every tear that I shed, I will take two more steps.

My GOD, I don't know where my energy is, but I will start sprinting because I trust that you will meet me at the finish line.

I left work a little late and this traffic is going to make me late in picking up the kids in two different places, but I make every green light in the midst of a sea of red lights that are in front of me.

I don't know what I am going to cook the kids for dinner tonight, but after their meal, they tell me "thank you Daddy. That was a "Fantastic Dinner" (http://allthebestallthetime.blogspot.com/2009/09/fantastic-dinner.html)!

"What are we doing today GOD?" It matters not, because I trust YOU with all that I am.

I Love you Mother. I miss you so much. If people only knew what I have been through the last 2 -3 years of my Life, they would simply wonder why I am not crazy. I give it ALL to my LORD and Savior. For had it not been for HIM, I would be resting with you.

My desk at work, in the restroom, during meetings, sitting in the Congregation, at a restaurant, at my favorite coffee place, as I write my Blogs, work on my book, drive in my truck, take a shower, get dressed, eat at my dinner table, watching a show on TV, in front of my kids...I cannot and no longer have the desire to do anything, to "Hide My Tears."

Love and My Mother are My Inspiration!
Love and My Mother are My Motivation!
Love and My Mother are My Celebration!
Love and My Mother are My Dedication!

All the Best, All the Time!
Corey